People aren't empathic by nature. If everyone grew up being empathic, people would get along much better and the world would be a better place - in theory.
It's hard to get someone else to feel strongly about something they don't understand, or haven't experienced yet. They don't know what you know or believe in what you believe in. They haven't seen or felt things as you have.
It's easy for people who read or write a lot to expect others to be empathic. After reading so many books, and seeing from so many perspectives, it would be easier for us to be empathic - to put ourselves in someone else's shoes. But we simply cannot expect the same from others.
I guess the trick is to just know which battles to fight, and which ones to back off from. Concede defeat every now and then, but extract a promise or agreement from the other party as compromise. Blast the other person, then work your way towards a pleasant compromise :P People appreciate that, if only to escape from your clutches. They'd just want a hasty retreat at that point.
As for the jealous girlfriends? It's not your fault. It's just that they don't trust their boyfriends. That's why their relationships might not last, while your friendships will. Cheer up! Don't take things too seriously! :D
Okay that's all.
ps: I'm bored. Can you tell?
Johann
· 3 years ago
You want the best for your brothers, you want them to at least have some sort of resemblance of a "proper" upbringing (no thanks to your parents).
Not many people in this world live life as passionately as you do. You are so special and those that think you take it too seriously don't know and/or understand that :) You know I love you! :D
nick au
· 3 years ago
Hey Suann,
Been in the same situation with my sister. Well I think that as I grew older, I kinda knew why I screamed and yelled at her about all those late nights out and all the jazz about being not discipline and yes even to the extent of squealling at my parents.
The point is this, our parents brought us up quite alright and they're there for a reason on our siblings part as well. No, hell my sister isn't anywhere near as well behaved and considerate as me or yours may not be as well behaved either, but they are still your siblings and if you actually grew up alright, I'm pretty sure your parent's knows what they're doing. I'm sure you love your brothers a lot, as I do with my sister, but parenting unless in the case that it's a necessity, should largely be left to our parents and we're just there to enforce the rule enforce by our parents...
In the entire whole picture, I don't think that you're taking things overly too serious, just might wanna start looking at the humours between the lines and you'd fine that there's a lot less things to fret about and more important work to be done...
Not sure if I made any sense but yea.. cheers to you for writting all of these..
justakid
· 3 years ago
haih, girlfriends will always be gfs.
i got those warnings too. like the gfs start spreadin rumours abt me and shit. like "Su Ann is such a bitch, she's stealin my bf, what the hell is she tryin 2 prove???"
yes, my name is Su Ann too, by the way. haha.
MichelleSY
· 3 years ago
"Why are you taking it so seriously?" Because you're you. Perhaps some people might find a situation where others are voicing strong opinons/ expressing intense emotions uncomfortable. Perhaps they dislike being drawn in, dislike being made to think, feel, judge, vent, comment. Perhaps they feel that the fact you're displaying some sort of a reaction, demands a response from them in return. Or perhaps they truly think it's no big deal. Perhaps. But that's them. NOT you. So you keep on being you, and don't let anyone tell you any different. From what you've written, I don't see anything wrong in your trying to prevent your brothers from 'mamak-ing' into the wee hours of dawn, considering it's a school night. Your parents sounds like they're very libertine, which parenting style may or may not suit every child. But you've tried to do what you thought was right for them - while your brothers, of course, want to do the exact opposite, I mean, teenage rebellion isn't called teenage rebellion for nothing, hey? As for the jealous girlfriends issue, *sigh*, they should just move on, don't you think? There is truly nothing you can do on your part, without being called names or worse by them. So yes, I think you've got the right attitude going there: c'est la vie. And words? I'm pretty much a sceptic, so to me, words are sometimes just empty sounds and grand promises that come to nothing. But if they were coming from someone you trust/ care about, wouldn't you would you could believe everything they say? *wistful smile* But don't plunge into an absolute abyss of self-doubt, OK? Everyone has to find out who they are and how others perceive them, and IMHO, it sounds like this might be one of those times. Here's hoping you feel better soon and take care!
Gin
· 3 years ago
“Why are you taking it so seriously?” ;p ppl say that to me a lot too =D whahaha.. *hi 5*
actually ure bro's @_@.. letting them go out all the time whenever they like actually does result in them getting worst.. >=S .. but at the same time ...at their age u had that freedom =S.. the onli diff.. responsibility..so ure not wrong wert..
n the whole bf/gf thing.. look at me ;p im like that also wad.. but truth b truth..ian memang liked them..admitted in the end..
so mebbe its the same wid ure frens as well leh.. seeing as ure the 1 who's the good friend u wont realise it ma.. but the gf who's very observant watching the bf n noticing his every move will lo...
suyen
· 3 years ago
emm hei...the real thing is words just something that hard for anyone to forget about it...i know y u r taking it so serious.. actually nothing wrong wit it also.. is good to be serious in thing sometimes...
alvin
· 3 years ago
Well, if all the girlfriends of your friends don't want them to see you anymore, then you must be doing something right, apperance wise or that darn cute wittiness up on your sleeve.
Or maybe they just lack of some serious self-confidence.
jacksup
· 3 years ago
so im not the only one. its the gfs problem lacking of insecurities. just silly.
foreverjas
· 3 years ago
havin the same thing with my bro!!! hate hate!!! y do i care so much @.@!!!
director
· 3 years ago
hey su ann,dun be sad.....regard to the do u take it too seriously? maybe is because you want everything in order,but u should realise that this world is not perfect and sometimes,you just have to let it go.......and regard to ur good friend which was forbidden,by following girls phycology....they tend to be unsecure if their bf mix with another guy too much......this will cause the girl to have insecurity feeling....
DLT2
· 3 years ago
Football come once in 4 years. But that doesn't mean that people can stray away from their disciplines.
Now thats something I need to tell myself =/
*resisting the urge to watch France vs. Portugal which is airing in about 2 hrs time*
eWe
· 3 years ago
Congratulations, you're actually maturing. Oh and btw, about discipline, I think that we learnt from people who have discipline.
pinkpau
· 3 years ago
anon : you're a wise one :) to concede defeat but request a compromise - very smart! i'll keep this in mind.
johann : that's exactly it, i really DO want them to grow up right :( but i think it's just not going to be possible. it's way too late for that, and after all i am their sister - i just dont have the authority a parent has. and oh you always know how to make me feel better! :) *huggles*
nick au : that's what everyone thinks, that just because i grew up right, my parents are doing something right.. but honestly it's none of their doing. i was just lucky enough to know how to set my priorities right at a young age, with an aunt, adult friends and very concerned teachers to set me on the right track. my bros on the other hand dont have all that, that's why they're turning out the way they are, and this worries the living daylights out of me. and yes i'm beginning to see that i should learn to take certain things lightly .. :) hehe thanks for making me feel kinda normal.
justakid : hehe yes i know :P
michellesy : do you do psychology? you've got very accurate observations :) anyway i think for now it's a question of whether i should or should not be taking things so seriously. when i do, sometimes it's unneccessary (but i dont see it) and hence it causes a lot of worry/sadness for myself, and difficult situations for others. sigh. it's hard to talk about it without giving away the actual situation, but i'm sure you grasp what i'm trying to say :) as for jealous girlfriends, they dont call me names or anything, thankfully .. they just dont like their bfs to hang out around me. it's ridiculous. for the most part i usually respect their wishes and try to keep a distance from their bfs (my friends) but i'm getting increasingly annoyed at myself for being so nice and obliging when they're clearly not returning the favour. and hehe yes a lot of selfdiscovery going on lately.
gin : haha yes i know, you and i are so similar in that way. as for my bros, yea i know it makes them worse.. but i'm beginning to see that there is nothing i can do about it. when i was their age, my friends who were my age were all a bunch of goody-goodys, whereas my older friends all really looked after me. them on the other hand .. their peers are all the type who think its cool to smoke, cool to not come home, etc etc. their older friends are even worse influences. so i'm just worried sick. and HAH maybe you can tell me why my friend's gfs dont allow them to hang out with me .. i dont see the logic of it.
suyen : there are just some words that i place too much importance on .. to an extent that it's not suitable in this day and age anymore, and leads me to believe things that i shouldnt be.
alvin : i think it's their self confidence issue ..
jacksup : either that or they love their bfs too much to even consider the idea of losing them
foreverjas : siigh :( tell me when you figure it out!
director : i donno, i'm just really tired of being the nice girl in all these rifts between me and my friends and their girlfriends..
DLT2 : france is going to win :P
ewe : thanks, you always know what to say ..
Ginny
· 3 years ago
hahaha..mebbe ure like so close to the guy..den u know la..guys so fa sam wann.. whhichever girl close to them its like auto they will like them..den the gf can see wan lor..they will feel that the bf treat this girl extra specially the way they look at the girl also differently..den do things for this girl that they would never do for them
u know u la ;p hahaha.. treat ppl so nice 4 wad >=p but u need to treat me nicer.. wahhahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *hint hint*
nick au
· 3 years ago
oh nooos!! i'm so sorry... usually people tell me that I make them feel special.. i didn't know that you would be the other way around... errhs....oops?
soweeee
pouts*
MichelleSY
· 3 years ago
No I don't do psychology, but I picked it as an elective in 2nd year, does that count? *grins* But seriously, the reasons you think my observations might reflect your experience is because: 1. I AM one of those 'intense' people :D 2. Having just attained my quarter of a century on earth, I am feeling intensely...OLD...and...errrrr....like I've been round the track a couple of times? *sigh* But what I'm really trying to say is: I've been in your shoes. When bad things happen (especially when they happen not to me, but to people I care about) I get angry. Really, really angry. I-could-so-turn-into-The-Hulk-right-now kinda angry. So I get pissed off, start venting (I sometimes rage too, but only for a good cause, such as when I found out my friend's then parter was cheating on her) and then all hell breaks loose. And yes, people have been known to comment "Why are you taking it so seriously anyway, it's not like it's happening to you?" on numerous occassions. The answer? Because I care for and about you, you noob!!! (I am sure you feel the same about your brothers, that is, the caring bit, NOT the noob bit :P As for whether to take a certain issue seriously, I think Anon's advice is on the money. You've gotta pick your battles. And yes, having experienced and inflicted it first-hand, I know that having an intense temperament does not a calm household or a hiccup-free friendship make. But what the hey, sometimes our emotion/ indignation does overcome us and burst the boundaries of propriety/ decorum and all that jazz. So, if you think it's something worth fighting for/ about, then by all means, break out them (metaphorical) boxing gloves! I still commend you for your concern regarding your brothers and their upbringing (or lack thereof?) and definitely, forge ahead with the self-discovery! Take care and it's always a pleasure to read your blog.
ianfluenza
· 3 years ago
I feel less apprehensive about myself now that I've read your post. I am not alone after all...
Probably a bit late for me to comment, but I totally feel exactly what you said in your last para. Words that people don't mean but blurt out anyway made me hang onto them for days or weeks before I finally forget about it altogether.
martian
· 2 years ago
baby i loooove you. i loooove you so much. you are the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world. i love you. i want you. i want you forever.
All Comments
It's hard to get someone else to feel strongly about something they don't understand, or haven't experienced yet. They don't know what you know or believe in what you believe in. They haven't seen or felt things as you have.
It's easy for people who read or write a lot to expect others to be empathic. After reading so many books, and seeing from so many perspectives, it would be easier for us to be empathic - to put ourselves in someone else's shoes. But we simply cannot expect the same from others.
I guess the trick is to just know which battles to fight, and which ones to back off from. Concede defeat every now and then, but extract a promise or agreement from the other party as compromise. Blast the other person, then work your way towards a pleasant compromise :P People appreciate that, if only to escape from your clutches. They'd just want a hasty retreat at that point.
As for the jealous girlfriends? It's not your fault. It's just that they don't trust their boyfriends. That's why their relationships might not last, while your friendships will. Cheer up! Don't take things too seriously! :D
Okay that's all.
ps: I'm bored. Can you tell?
Not many people in this world live life as passionately as you do. You are so special and those that think you take it too seriously don't know and/or understand that :) You know I love you! :D
Been in the same situation with my sister. Well I think that as I grew older, I kinda knew why I screamed and yelled at her about all those late nights out and all the jazz about being not discipline and yes even to the extent of squealling at my parents.
The point is this, our parents brought us up quite alright and they're there for a reason on our siblings part as well. No, hell my sister isn't anywhere near as well behaved and considerate as me or yours may not be as well behaved either, but they are still your siblings and if you actually grew up alright, I'm pretty sure your parent's knows what they're doing. I'm sure you love your brothers a lot, as I do with my sister, but parenting unless in the case that it's a necessity, should largely be left to our parents and we're just there to enforce the rule enforce by our parents...
In the entire whole picture, I don't think that you're taking things overly too serious, just might wanna start looking at the humours between the lines and you'd fine that there's a lot less things to fret about and more important work to be done...
Not sure if I made any sense but yea.. cheers to you for writting all of these..
i got those warnings too. like the gfs start spreadin rumours abt me and shit. like "Su Ann is such a bitch, she's stealin my bf, what the hell is she tryin 2 prove???"
yes, my name is Su Ann too, by the way. haha.
Because you're you.
Perhaps some people might find a situation where others are voicing strong opinons/ expressing intense emotions uncomfortable.
Perhaps they dislike being drawn in, dislike being made to think, feel, judge, vent, comment.
Perhaps they feel that the fact you're displaying some sort of a reaction, demands a response from them in return.
Or perhaps they truly think it's no big deal.
Perhaps.
But that's them. NOT you. So you keep on being you, and don't let anyone tell you any different.
From what you've written, I don't see anything wrong in your trying to prevent your brothers from 'mamak-ing' into the wee hours of dawn, considering it's a school night. Your parents sounds like they're very libertine, which parenting style may or may not suit every child.
But you've tried to do what you thought was right for them - while your brothers, of course, want to do the exact opposite, I mean, teenage rebellion isn't called teenage rebellion for nothing, hey?
As for the jealous girlfriends issue, *sigh*, they should just move on, don't you think? There is truly nothing you can do on your part, without being called names or worse by them. So yes, I think you've got the right attitude going there: c'est la vie.
And words? I'm pretty much a sceptic, so to me, words are sometimes just empty sounds and grand promises that come to nothing. But if they were coming from someone you trust/ care about, wouldn't you would you could believe everything they say? *wistful smile*
But don't plunge into an absolute abyss of self-doubt, OK? Everyone has to find out who they are and how others perceive them, and IMHO, it sounds like this might be one of those times.
Here's hoping you feel better soon and take care!
;p ppl say that to me a lot too =D whahaha.. *hi 5*
actually ure bro's @_@.. letting them go out all the time whenever they like actually does result in them getting worst.. >=S .. but at the same time ...at their age u had that freedom =S.. the onli diff.. responsibility..so ure not wrong wert..
n the whole bf/gf thing.. look at me ;p im like that also wad.. but truth b truth..ian memang liked them..admitted in the end..
so mebbe its the same wid ure frens as well leh.. seeing as ure the 1 who's the good friend u wont realise it ma.. but the gf who's very observant watching the bf n noticing his every move will lo...
Or maybe they just lack of some serious self-confidence.
Now thats something I need to tell myself =/
*resisting the urge to watch France vs. Portugal which is airing in about 2 hrs time*
johann : that's exactly it, i really DO want them to grow up right :( but i think it's just not going to be possible. it's way too late for that, and after all i am their sister - i just dont have the authority a parent has. and oh you always know how to make me feel better! :) *huggles*
nick au : that's what everyone thinks, that just because i grew up right, my parents are doing something right.. but honestly it's none of their doing. i was just lucky enough to know how to set my priorities right at a young age, with an aunt, adult friends and very concerned teachers to set me on the right track. my bros on the other hand dont have all that, that's why they're turning out the way they are, and this worries the living daylights out of me. and yes i'm beginning to see that i should learn to take certain things lightly .. :) hehe thanks for making me feel kinda normal.
justakid : hehe yes i know :P
michellesy : do you do psychology? you've got very accurate observations :) anyway i think for now it's a question of whether i should or should not be taking things so seriously. when i do, sometimes it's unneccessary (but i dont see it) and hence it causes a lot of worry/sadness for myself, and difficult situations for others. sigh. it's hard to talk about it without giving away the actual situation, but i'm sure you grasp what i'm trying to say :) as for jealous girlfriends, they dont call me names or anything, thankfully .. they just dont like their bfs to hang out around me. it's ridiculous. for the most part i usually respect their wishes and try to keep a distance from their bfs (my friends) but i'm getting increasingly annoyed at myself for being so nice and obliging when they're clearly not returning the favour. and hehe yes a lot of selfdiscovery going on lately.
gin : haha yes i know, you and i are so similar in that way. as for my bros, yea i know it makes them worse.. but i'm beginning to see that there is nothing i can do about it. when i was their age, my friends who were my age were all a bunch of goody-goodys, whereas my older friends all really looked after me. them on the other hand .. their peers are all the type who think its cool to smoke, cool to not come home, etc etc. their older friends are even worse influences. so i'm just worried sick. and HAH maybe you can tell me why my friend's gfs dont allow them to hang out with me .. i dont see the logic of it.
suyen : there are just some words that i place too much importance on .. to an extent that it's not suitable in this day and age anymore, and leads me to believe things that i shouldnt be.
alvin : i think it's their self confidence issue ..
jacksup : either that or they love their bfs too much to even consider the idea of losing them
foreverjas : siigh :( tell me when you figure it out!
director : i donno, i'm just really tired of being the nice girl in all these rifts between me and my friends and their girlfriends..
DLT2 : france is going to win :P
ewe : thanks, you always know what to say ..
u know u la ;p hahaha.. treat ppl so nice 4 wad >=p but u need to treat me nicer.. wahhahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *hint hint*
soweeee
pouts*
But seriously, the reasons you think my observations might reflect your experience is because: 1. I AM one of those 'intense' people :D 2. Having just attained my quarter of a century on earth, I am feeling intensely...OLD...and...errrrr....like I've been round the track a couple of times? *sigh*
But what I'm really trying to say is: I've been in your shoes. When bad things happen (especially when they happen not to me, but to people I care about) I get angry. Really, really angry. I-could-so-turn-into-The-Hulk-right-now kinda angry.
So I get pissed off, start venting (I sometimes rage too, but only for a good cause, such as when I found out my friend's then parter was cheating on her) and then all hell breaks loose.
And yes, people have been known to comment "Why are you taking it so seriously anyway, it's not like it's happening to you?" on numerous occassions.
The answer? Because I care for and about you, you noob!!! (I am sure you feel the same about your brothers, that is, the caring bit, NOT the noob bit :P
As for whether to take a certain issue seriously, I think Anon's advice is on the money. You've gotta pick your battles. And yes, having experienced and inflicted it first-hand, I know that having an intense temperament does not a calm household or a hiccup-free friendship make.
But what the hey, sometimes our emotion/ indignation does overcome us and burst the boundaries of propriety/ decorum and all that jazz.
So, if you think it's something worth fighting for/ about, then by all means, break out them (metaphorical) boxing gloves! I still commend you for your concern regarding your brothers and their upbringing (or lack thereof?) and definitely, forge ahead with the self-discovery!
Take care and it's always a pleasure to read your blog.
http://ianliew.blogspot.com/2006/07/promise-me-...
yay